Sometimes, one just needs to sit on a beach I guess.

I'm sitting on a beach under a fancy tent that my lovely traveling companion insisted we bring. I've avoided sitting on beaches for years because sitting directly in the sun for too long (without shelter) stresses me out. Turns out, all I ever needed was a beach tent. There was no need to avoid this beautiful, relaxing natural space. I'm forever changed. I'm sure there's a life lesson somewhere in this revelation.

Coming to the beach in January is a bit risky, as one is never sure what the weather will be like. As a Floridian, I've got my swimsuit on but am wearing long pants and long sleeves over it. The northerners are swimming. "No worries," they say. "It feels lovely." Perspective, I guess.

I'm not too far from home, but I'm far enough away to recognize the beauty of beach vacations and how renewing it can feel to just let go and let the current take you where you're meant to go. Hearing the waves crashing instantly puts my wandering mind at ease. The hungry seagull is hopeful that I will leave my half-eaten sandwich on the picnic table for him. If you're lucky like I was- you might see a dolphin swim by. You also might catch a rogue frisbee from a young couple before it hits the water. Whatever goes at the beach. Whether you're on the Gulf, the Atlantic or perhaps at the Indian ocean- it's the same; whatever goes. There's no big need to make too many plans; just let go and go with the flow. The wind is blowing. The waves are crashing. The sun is shining, and the people are smiling.

This isn't a bad way to spend the first few days of a New Year. Not bad at all.

2012: A New Year, Indeed.

I started and ended 2011 with a very different (outlook on) life. 2011 began in the middle of my Jesus year -- a year I hoped would bring better things than the year before. For my 2011 New Year's goal, I decided that in order for things to get better, I needed to become more mindful. 

Early in the year, I was faced with a lot of difficult stuff.  I didn't have my own living space (home); I was supporting my family and struggling to get out of debt (finances); and my job had become difficult emotionally (work). The one good thing I had going on was that I had an awesome girlfriend, but then we parted ways on Valentine's Day of all days (love). All of my senses of security -- home, finances, work and love -- became insecure all at once. [Way to welcome me hit me with your best shot, 2011.]

I hit rock bottom and fell into the well of depression. The thing about hitting the bottom of the well though: well, it can *really* only get better [or, at least one hopes]. So, while I was swimming down around at the bottom of the well, I realized that I was faced with a unique and special opportunity -- to reinvent my life.

I started doing a whole bunch of things I had wanted to do for a while.

• I took an introductory course on Buddhism.
• I wanted to blog/write more, so my best friend, Liz, convinced me to join an online writing group, which gave me 20 weeks of writing prompts.
• I started Acupuncture again.
• I started volunteering.
• I took three six-hour Enneagram workshops. 
• I read and then re-read some books.
• I moved to an adorable apartment in the Duckpond.
• I had started considering different career opportunities, but things randomly changed at work and I got to join a new team of awesome people!

By the time my Jesus year had come to an end in September, I felt very fortunate for everything that had happened for me-- the challenges and the new opportunities I had found. I felt a little more mindful and a lot more in touch with my emotions. I had started letting myself feel everything-- happiness, sadness, contentment, love, anger, awe, grief, beauty, and frustration. For so long, I judged myself so harshly for negative emotions that came up, so I would just bury them. I somehow thought I had to find the positive in everything, so I buried those negative emotions until finally I hit the bottom of the well and realized I had to deal with the tough emotions in order to be happier. I realized that if I just feel the negative emotions and sit with them for a bit, I could let them go a lot sooner and be happier and also feel more grateful rather than just saying it and wanting to feel it. As a result, I started being kinder and gentler toward myself. It turns out, in order to become more mindful -- I had to completely shake my world upside down by experiencing all of the emotions I'm meant to feel and not judging myself for them. Who knew? [Well, Jesus probably. Despite the fact that I'm not Christian, I suspect Jesus would probably be proud of how far I got during my Jesus Year.]

On Christmas day, I was relieved to feel that things were so much better than the year before, but I was exhausted! I knew I needed to rest, so I deemed the last week of the 2011 to be a week of rest, which is how 2011 ended (I went to sleep before midnight) and 2012 began -- in the very same deep sleep.

This morning, I got up early and went to the First Light meditation and prayer ceremony at the Gainesville KTC. It was the perfect way to end the old and start the new year -- resting and in meditation. As I drove home from the meditation, I thought about goals for 2012. I realized that mindfulness is no longer a goal of mine; it's actually become a way of life. So, I'm not sure I actually need new goals for 2012. I think I'm just going to keep doing things that support this new way of life.

Happy New Year.